First, a kind note from the editors: we know it’s never as easy as any one article can make it out to be. It totally sucks. But hopefully this will help.
Forget your ex: a lesson in zen
Many of us have wanted to step into Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and remove our ex from our memories moment by moment. Failing futuristic technology advances, however, we instead need to focus on moving on instead of clicking “delete.”
There is a lot of advice out there focused on minute-to-minute distractions, but we like to think of this approach as more holistic — a breakup recovery program, if you will. So instead of making recommendations like “read a book,” these are focused on helping you through. Generally speaking, we believe handling a breakup needs to be a long-term plan, not a band-aid solution.
5 Steps to Forgetting Your Ex
One quick thing NOT to do: Don’t start down the “what if” path. Sure, you wouldn’t feel as bad if you had never broken up to begin with. But you did. And here you are. Resist the urge to torture yourself with the endless possibilities of what might have been.
Instead, try these:
Let yourself feel the pain. Here’s our philosophy: before a wound can heal, you need to let all of the pain escape. This means that sometimes, you will need to give yourself space to feel sad. Or angry. Or confused. Or any of the overwhelming emotions that tend to come in waves when a relationship ends. This might mean setting aside some time allow to cry, or wallow over a mug of tea, or commiserate with your favorite ice cream. We’re not encouraging you to fall into a hole with it, but ignoring the feelings won’t help them go away.
Find a routine. It’s a lot easier to slip into thoughts of your ex when you find yourself without something to do. You could fill your social calendar and work schedule, but you’ll likely burn out before you get through it. Instead, instill a routine for yourself that includes opportunities to feel the pain and reflect. So maybe as soon as you get home from work, you walk your dog and call your mom. Or in the morning, you make your bed and vacuum your room. The more regularity to you have in your day, the less likely you’ll be to suddenly find yourself falling into an unending pit of despair.
Get out a pen and paper. You don’t need to journal per se, but give yourself space to get some thoughts down. Even the not so nice ones. It’s our philosophy that getting things out of your head makes room for new thoughts about yourself or your future. Empty your head of the frustration or sadness that’s currently cluttering your brain — metaphorically open some windows and let some light in.
Be kind to yourself. It’s very easy to berate yourself about things you think you did wrong or the breakup itself or ruminating on your faults. And while that’s normal following a breakup, you also want to make sure you’re treating yourself with kindness. Take some time to intentionally think about all the great things about yourself.
Give it time. This is the most infuriating answer, but also the one we suspect you already know: there are no fast tracks here. Ultimately, forgetting your Ex and moving on from the relationship is entirely about finding something else to focus on, distracting yourself, and being patient. This will hurt for a bit. The good news is that you cared about someone deeply enough to feel this hurt, which is a critical aspect of being human.
Moving On From the Breakup
Learning how to forget your ex is a personal journey, and unfortunately one that can only be self-taught. However, there are resources to guide you, including books, blogs, and podcasts to help your process a bit smoother.
We also have our own breakup recovery email series. You sign up, and we send you an email every day for 100 days. Each email will contain a mini-assignment. Sometimes it will be self-care to do. Sometimes it will be a specific topic to reflect on. Sometimes it will encourage you to unpack your recent relationship, and really analyze it. All of these activities are designed to help you grow and thrive.
We’re not doctors, and we’re not yes another get your ex back gimmick. We’re real people who have experienced heartbreak and we’ve compiled all of the advice that has helped us through breakups (and we share some of these anecdotes in the emails).
Can we help you too?
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